N is for...

...Nyx, who was patient and kind. (Yes this is part of the alphabet series. Yes it still exists. Yes this out of order!) A bit of long story for this one. I don't expect 99% of people to read it (or even her) but there's a story to tell with this one. One I feel like I should share. 

The most important thing to mention besides the fact that this was a gift for once upon a time is that .. well .. I'm a scumbag. Months ago I told her I'd make something special for her and this render was the byproduct. Only it was never that easy. It took so freaking long to make this, I invested so many countless hours. I dedicated so much of myself into this scene but it was hard.  And it used to have so much more content. More tinies in the left hand. Tinies falling down. Terrified police officers with their quivering arms raised at the giantess. A stampede of people fleeing from the scene. Blood splatters on the ground. I was following my vision perfectly. This scene pushed my computer to its limits and before I knew it, the program crashed every five minutes or so . . . making the construction of this scene a nightmare. And I was getting so frustrated with myself. it consumed so much effort. It effected my health.

I put it off.

I've picked it at every now then but the latency issues made working around this scene completely unbearable. I'm sure you 3D rendering guys must understand the annoyance of lag in 3D space. It took me a minute to make one minor translation of an object in the scene, something I can normally perform instantly. There's no excuse for my inanity or why I never bothered to properly inform her of my technical issues, I should just sort of quietly discarded it.

And now I've been working at this for the last month and it's been awful. I've had to remove so many elements from the scene and.. I feel awful that it's not living up to any grand expectations. I feel awful that I made a conscious decision to silently sweep this under the rug because I couldn't cope with its size. I feel awful that I never even told her and yet . . . she still so positively left her digital footprint on my art, leaving warm remarks in the comment section. I knew I had to tighten my belt and give this another honest effort without breaks. And I've tried oh so very hard. To put in perspective how graphically intensive this scene was, every attempt to render it just crashed my computer lol. Anyway, I'm such a terrible photo editor, sorry the blood effects are so bad. This is a very long winded way just to say I'm sorry. There's no room for excuses here.

It's a little ironic really. How someone like myself, who simply adores the gentle aspect of these size shenanigans, can't draw out the compassion to be a decent human being sometimes.